In 1988 (after being stationed as a military family overseas) we returned back to the U.S., back to civilian life. I struggled with the lack of provision, something that was automatically provided as benefits to soldiers. Returning to civilian life posed its own challenges and the trials began. I began to question God and was disappointed with the direction the Lord was leading. I became angry in my heart.
Driving on back roads through Oneonta, I saw a beautiful house and I said in my heart “I will have a house like that someday, no matter what I have to do!”
That night I had a dream…I heard the sound of hissing and I knew instinctively (in my dream) that the U.S. was under a nuclear attack. As I looked around everything was gone. People were stumbling around in smoke choking, everything was black. I knew as I watched people screaming that many had died. What were once houses were now charred stubble. Everything was gone. In my dream, I was dying. And my dying cry was that I never got that house!
Pride, anger and rebellion rose in me that day and I am ashamed to say that idolatry had taken its’ root in my heart, which caused me to turn away from the Lord for a long time. I did get that house, but unable to enjoy it from my own bitterness, pride and rebellion, I lost everything and I fell flat on my face. I was left with nothing.
Have you gone so far that everything has been taken from you? Do you feel that all is lost?
Now, 30 years later I still remember that dream vividly. See, when sin hardens your heart and you become angry with God, you open the door for:
1.) Pride – I can have all that I want
2.) Rebellion – I don’t need you God, I can do this on my own
3.) Entitlement – You’ve put me through so much, make this all right for me now, You owe me that.
It did with me.
Years ago, I had a revival – a sovereign gift of repentance fell on me as I wept for 16 hours and saw everything that I had done; every lie I had believed. This is true revival. It is so very painful. What it brought forth was complete brokenness and a solid dependence on the Lord. I gave Him my life, because I could not keep nor lose any more of it.
Back to the dream…I am prophetic. I believe that the Lord was giving a warning, now I am warning those who have walked away. If you haven’t seen yet the world has nothing to offer, I feel sorry for you, but you will because I am praying for you.
Buying more, obtaining more, more wealth, more success, more pride, more attention, more clothes, more folly. It is all a lie and a falsehood. The love of things and the pride of success eventually slapped me in the face and I was left with nowhere to go, but fall on it.
If you are that person who has turned away. If you believe that you have strayed so far that there is no way you could ever come back (I did, too) email me: email@example.com
There is hope in Jesus and there is mercy for a lost sheep. I didn’t think I was lost until I knew that I had been found.